As a dad, I recall when my kids were born being very excited and feeling pretty special. When they were young, I remember being the coolest, funniest, smartest, strongest and most fun guy in the world to my kids. It was great! You come home from work and their faces light up. They want to play with you. They ask you all kinds of questions because you were a smart dude. They would say "my dad can beat up your dad". I still think I can take some of these old bastards, but that is a different story. The bottom line is that they were proud to have you as a father.
Time goes by and you start seeing the cool factor go down. You are not that fun anymore. You are definitely not funny and by the time your kids are smack in the teenage years, you are the biggest dumb-ass on the face of the planet and it is absolutely shocking that you have survived as long as you have being the only living brain donor on the planet. Essentially, the only thing that I am good for at this time is to be a human ATM.
I can not speak for mothers out there as I am not one, though I seem to be called one often enough, but for a dad, this is a long fall from grace. How does a dad, who was essentially a hero in their kids eyes for such a long period of time cope with this? It is hard. The only saving grace from this cycle is that eventually as they graduate from college (hopefully), get into the real world with jobs and families of their own, they will start to realize that I am not as dumb as I look. The only reason I know this is the sad realization that I did the same thing to my father. I start looking back and put more of an understanding of the long hours he worked so our family could have a nice place to live. Have enough food, at least for the kids, to eat. Come to every baseball game that I played and realize that he was proud to be my dad. This is not that I don't recognize all the things my mom did, because God knows there is a ton, but I am just reflecting on my perspective as a father.
I have 3 great kids. They are better people than I was when growing up. I love them dearly and would do anything for them. I just hope that someday, I can start working my way up the curve in their eyes. Until then, I will accept my role as the human ATM. At least that way, they still need me for something.
Role Model - unfortunately, your curve is accurate in that the role that of a parent, in this case a father, is one of leadership. This means you must make the right decisions on behalf of your family however unpopular it may be. This is painful (as you point out) in the short run but pays HUGE dividends in the long run when they (finally) do grow up and draw from your examples (which shape them as adults). My daughter just turned 27 and "gets it". Believe it or not, she thanked me for my toughness during her teenage years equating it to someone who really cares about her well being and might have an iota of knowledge about life in general. Hang in there my friend, there was a day when my daughter thought the ATM dispensed dollars from an infinity pond. Now that she is living on her own, she realizes that dad had to earn those dollars and it wasn't easy. Cheers my brother - JDB
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you, since I'm also a father of three (15, 13, 11) and a human ATM myself. But I understand my role as a father and I certainly know that I'm doing my best even if they don't understand or appreciate it now. I just hope some day they will. But, in the meantime, I'll keep doing what I've been doing until now, 'cause I know they need me, and the always will... keep it up my friend!
ReplyDeleteBobby :)